Sunday, July 19, 2009

"Yo Joe!" - Part I

Magazine ad for G.I. Joe on NES. (Click to view larger image)
Yo Joe! I decided to begin my weekend in dipping into the only two G.I. Joe
NES games. On the next two weeks I will begin to play the G.I. Joe games which
will lead up to the movie coming out this August. Oh by the way, I purchased G.I.
Joe Season 1.1 on DVD so this is really a G.I. Joe month for me. :P So let me
begin explaining the 1st G.I. Joe game I conquered entitled G.I. Joe: A Real American Hero. I remember when I first saw this game when I was a kid I
thought it was a freakin' awesome game. The ability to pick 3 Joes and used them
on the same screen by switching them out by pressing select, wicked. The game
only have a handful of Joes to pick from; Duke, Snake Eyes, Captain Grid Iron,
Rock Roll, Blizzard & General Hawk (useable only on Stage 6-1-2). Now I know who
Duke, Snake Eyes and General Hawk is but who the fuck is Blizzard, Captain Grid Iron and Rock & Roll? I don't recall these guys on the G.I. Joe series. Where is
Roadblock, Shipwreck and hell where is Scarlet? Odd choice of Joes for this game. The game contains six stage with 2-3 levels each stage. Each Joe has a different type of weapon in which you must upgrade during the game. The gun each Joe has starts off at Level 1-A and grows every time you collect a GUN icon to make the weapon stronger to defeat your enemies and bosses. The Weapons all max out past Level 3-D and can downgrade back to Level 1-A when you get a Game Over screen. All the Joes use guns except for Snake Eyes. Snake Eyes uses jitsu or KI blasts to blast his enemies out of the way.


As for the villains of the game, well, of course you have the evil terrorists group known as Cobra led by Cobra Commander. He's the last guy you'll meet in the game. The bosses are as follows; Raptor, Range Viper, Metal Head, Overlord, Road Pig, Voltar, Golubulus, and Destro. Once again I'm going to say this, who the hell is Raptor, Range Viper, Metal Head, Overlord, Road Pig and Voltar? Never mind. I still can't believe they placed Golubulus as a villian before meeting up to the likes of Destro and Cobra Commander. Golubulus is pretty much high and supreme compared to Cobra Commander and Destro but instead the game places him as just another stooge boss to take down. He should've been the main boss right after you defeat Cobra Commander. Aghhh! If you've seen G.I. Joe: The Movie then you know what I'm bitching about here. As for Cobra Commander and Destro being in the game, they don't look like their cartoon counterparts at all. Destro looks like Cobra Commader and Cobra Commander looks like a cyborg or a Cobra Viper trooper or something. Where's Destro's silver, metal face? And why does he have a sword to fight you with? When in the series did we ever see Destro with a sword or a freakin' cape? As for Cobra Commander, when you meet him in the final boss battle, he's a small snake just waiting for you in his room and a beam transforms him into a cyborg / human. WTF? So you mean to tell me Cobra Commander in this game was a small, helpless pet snake barking out orders to the organization of Cobra to take down the Joes? I think that's what the company, Taxan, made us believe. I mean, did they even watch the show to know who Cobra Commander was? The game was made in 1990! The series began in 1984. NO EXCUSE!!!!

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